What does it mean to love yourself?

This has become so important to me because as I sit here, I know that my purpose, my mission, my vision is to help other people, but most specifically women, love themselves, cherish themselves, take care of themselves, and then from this place - build and create a life they love. To experience life fully and from an honest, authentic place. There are so many self help books out there, my gift on my website is “8 secrets to building self love” and there are thousands of quotes around self love, and then I imagine some of you have heard or seen or just TRIED SO HARD to live loving yourself that how can we possibly understand or know what that means? OH and on top of that, there are thousands more articles on what it even means to love someone ELSE. What the heck does it mean to love? So I have opinions, experiences, and thoughts on that, but I am going to focus now on what it means to love YOURSELF. and NO I don’t think it just means “work out more” or “eat healthy.”

Here’s what I think it means. LOVING YOURSELF MEANS:

*that you say no when you want to say no (and that you just say no in general sometimes! boundaries!)
*that you say yes when you want to say yes.
*being honest with where you’re at in your life -- being honest with how you FEEL. accepting yourself for exactly who you are
*feeling your feelings - not drinking, using drugs, having sex, eating ice cream, working out, bailing on your therapist to avoid the process. feel your feelings
*not participating in activities that do not feed your soul
*ending a relationship that doesn’t serve your highest vision and goals
*entering relationships that serve your highest vision and goals
*listening to your heart when it says to do or NOT do something
*trusting yourself - not needing to call 10 people for advice, opinions, knowing that you have the answer
*making time for yourself, even if it’s 5 minutes a day of just quiet time, or journaling
*getting enough sleep
*saying “I’m sorry”
*forgiving yourself - stop being hard on yourself! (this is a whole other blog in and of itself) but what does it serve? really? what happens when you scream at yourself and beat yourself up for the things you do, have done, etc. forgiveness is a tremendous act of LOVE
*making a decision that even though it’s not what you want, you know it’s best (like choosing NOT to move to San Diego, even though you may want to right now)
*letting go. trusting the universe. allowing yourself to be guided. you love yourself when you stop trying to control everything and everyone.
*keep the focus on you. when you love yourself you don’t compare yourself to anyone else
*having goals and dreams and visions. working towards something in your life
*doing things for others, but not at the expense of yourself.
*asking for HELP!! - it’s amazing why some people find this so hard (for me, I’m working on not asking for help ALL THE TIME so I can learn how to trust myself-another blog soon) however, the only reason I am sober, the only reason I am still alive and working through all my crap is because I continuously DO ask for help and guidance from others, people who I admire, who love me and care about me and will tell me the truth, not what I think I want to hear
*laughing at yourself
*keeping commitments
*telling the people you love how you truly feel about them - your dreams, visions, hopes for them, how much they me to you. loving yourself and loving others is VULNERABLE
*you sometimes do what’s needed more than you do what’s wanted*<--- BIG!

You do what’s needed more than you do what’s wanted. I am in this right now and this is my lesson. As I walk through and practice RADICAL self love and I feel my feelings, I honor myself and my journey, I stop judging myself on my behaviors, I laugh at myself, and I choose to do the things that I NEED to do for myself OVER the things that I may want. Gosh, there are so many things I want! I want to live in San Diego, I want to coach full time and lead women’s circles, I want my own apartment, I want a soulmate, want want want ---- in order for WHAT to happen you ask? Happiness? No. I want to be happy, but I recognize that’s a choice. Having the above mentioned things for me, would somehow mean that I am loved. WOW! Now that’s humbling. That’s what I am seeking. Love. Isn’t that what we’re all seeking? But I know this, and now I am LIVING it, all of the love in my life begins with ME. I MUST love myself first before I am capable of loving another - because I will treat others (especially my partner) how I treat myself.

I want to move to San Diego. I was ready to go. I told my boss. I told my roommates. I told my parents. I even announced it on Facebook (so then it’s real, right?). But guess what? I’m not ready yet. I have changed my mind. I didn’t have enough money. I DON’T have enough money in order to go right now - but I was going to depend on someone else to help make that happen for me. This person who I love and care about, but who (experience showed) was not willing to fully commit and help me with this. and you know what I realized? THAT’S OK. and SELF LOVE - and building the life I want means I take responsibility for myself and my life! NOT wait for someone else do it for me. Now THAT’S love. When you don’t want someone else to do your life for you. and I want it. I want to go to San Diego SO BAD. AND try this on, one of my mentors said, “Catherine. Adults do what needs to be done more so than what’s wanted.” I am doing what I need to do. I am listening to my heart saying "NOT YET CATHERINE." There is always going to be something we want right? A new book, clothes, workshop, vacation, yoga outfit, sex, etc. When will it be enough? When will we know that we are enough, we do enough, we have enough, and that I can have goals and dreams and visions and I will fall more in love with myself as I WORK TOWARDS IT MYSELF rather than demand that everything be given to me right now. I also WANT a relationship - but maybe I’m not ready! Maybe it’s not time. and that’s ok! I must accept where I’m at, be honest about the work I still need to do on myself, and fully commit to THAT before I will ever be ready to commit to someone else.

I love Boston. I am building a life here. I am really REALLY proud of the work I have done and the work I am doing for other women through circles and coaching. I am also humbled realizing that I still have work to do on myself (and it’s never ending!) and it’s my JOB to love myself through it. That I am not a failure for not going to San Diego right now, in fact, I feel like a success, because I am taking responsibility for myself and my life. I am ending a relationship that does not serve me, it has nothing to do with the other person being right or wrong, it doesn’t serve. That’s the questions I want you to ask yourselves before you do something --- DOES THIS SERVE? and WHAT does it serve? Your ego or your heart?

Can you be patient enough to let your life unfold? Can you TRUST that you are being taken care of and loved by a power greater than yourself, the universe which holds all things together and can you LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH to spend time with yourself, do the things you love, take time to let your life unfold and enjoy the present moment? Say yes when you want to say yes -- and to sometimes say NO!? What do you think?

Do you need help with this? Do you need HELP healing, loving, getting present, discovering, accepting? Well that’s what I DO. Are you ready to see how worthy and deserving of love you are?

I don’t want to be anyone else but me. Just me. Just Catherine! AND I sure as heck do not want anyone else’s path. I want mine. I want to be responsible for it. I want to enjoy it. and I want to love myself (and you) every step of the way.