A few things I need you to know and remember

 

You are AMAZING

You are ENOUGH

When you smile, it lights up the world

 

You are NOT broken and there is NOTHING wrong with you 

 

There is nothing you need to do or be in order to be loved

 

YOU ARE LOVE  and deserve love

 

You were BORN WORTHY, there is no need to ever question it

 

You are uniquely you, and you are absolutely perfect at being you 

You do not need to be afraid

You are NOT ALONE

You have everything you need

 

You are right where you are supposed to be

 

Everything in your life you have experienced is for your learning and growth

You can DO ANYTHING

 

You have never failed, you have always done the best you could  

 

You have SO MUCH to be grateful for 

Your HEART is a safe space, a beautiful place from which to live

The world is a better place because you are in it 

 

I believe in you 

I LOVE YOU (exactly as you are) and there is nothing you can do about it 

Choose love

There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.

-John Lennon

The purpose of life is not to be happy

The purpose life is not to be happy. The purpose of life is TO BE FREE.
Free to live in the truth of who you are, to choose what makes YOU happy. 

This is the million dollar question - What is the purpose of life? There are hundreds of books written about this. Many people continue to seek the answers to this question, to seek the “right” or “wrong” answer in fact. What I am about to write about is merely my attitude toward life, my idea of what it means to have a purpose, my truth to answer this question and I don’t need you to approve or agree. What I ask and what I hope is that you will consider it, with an open mind, and choose whether or not it resonates with you, whether or not it is true for you. 

Purpose.  Aaccording to the dictionary, purpose is - “the reason for which something exists” – “an intended or desired result.” The reason you exist is because you were created by the universe, as a perfect, flawless, brilliant human being and you were not created by accident! How does it feel to admire a baby? A new born baby? Beautiful right? SO beautiful, so perfect, untouched by fear or doubt or insecurity or discomfort or judgment or worry about what others may think. New life is so spectacular. We were all perfect, beautiful little babies once – imagine what life would look like if we all saw each other as children? As perfect, flawless, FREE children? I believe now that the “intended or desired result” over the course of our lives is to be born into our essence, go through wounds and build an ego, only to break it back down again so that every day we can get back to our essence. The purpose of life is to every day live freely, live with the courage and vulnerability of a child. 

What is our essence? How we feel when there are no walls, no wounds, no ego. When we are born we are in our essence because we are light, we have not yet been wounded. But as we grow up, wounds occur, because that’s what happens! The wounds add a layer over our essence, protecting it. The wounds are things like: when our parents do something we don’t like, or worse our parents hurt us physically, we fall off the monkey bars, we experience bullying from other children (who have been wounded themselves), we are rejected from our high school boyfriend or girlfriend, we struggle to find our way in college, we are abandoned… and the list goes on. These wounds strengthen the ego. The wounds create the ego. Ego is the hard shell that covers the wounds, which protects the essence.  

A child is born without any knowledge, any consciousness of his/her own self. And when a child is born the first thing it becomes aware of is not himself; the first thing he becomes aware of is the OTHER. It’s relationship to the other. When children are born they actually do not see themselves as separate. It’s a process that they go through in learning that their arm is actually their own, not their moms, and that they are actually separate from the table, the floor, the sky, etc. Ego – ego SEPARATES us from the other! The process of wounding keeps us in separation. Ego: the reflection, what others think. That’s the ego, that’s the drive. Our ego is driven by what others think – am I appreciated? Do you like me? Do you think I’m pretty? Do you think I’m smart? Do you think I’m worthy? It is driven by delusion, driven by fear. Yet it serves us right? The ego is essential, for awhile. Sometimes our ego saves our lives in teaching us how to self preserve against someone or something that is hurting us. But I truly think it now serves no purpose whatsoever. Ego thinks in terms of guilt, shame, and glories of the past. It also thinks in terms of fear and always about the future. It focuses on scarcity, not abundance, it focuses on the differences amongst others, making you either feel superior or inferior, it never thinks about what “is” – always “what was” and “what could be.” It always, always keeps us separate. 

How do you feel when you meet someone new for the first time? Are you open and friendly or are you “shy” and aloof? What do you think that’s about? If you were free, if you were living from your heart and were open to connecting with others focusing on HOW you could connect and be similar…do you think you’d be shy? The ego keeps you “shy” – the ego keeps you separate. Shy is a delusion, that’s the story, you’re shy. That’s not the truth. The truth is that you are a REMARKABLE human being, who has something to offer others because you were created ON purpose, you are a child of the universe, and you are uniquely you and how horrible to not be able to share it with other people. The ego helps you judge the other, judge how you should or should not behave to determine whether this person will accept you, whether or not they will like you, etc.  Ego always thinks in terms of “I.” My mom used to laugh at me when I was a child because I would talk to EVERYONE. I would just walk up to people and start a conversation, I was curious, I was FREE! I would disappear in the grocery store only for her later to find me in deep conversation with a total stranger about who knows what – this was at like 4, 5, 6 years old. I was free – I was able to be myself. 

The purpose of life is NOT to be happy because 1. That means happiness is something to be achieved. If it is something to be achieved it means there's a process of getting there. With happiness that is not true. Process of this furthers the FALSE BELIEF of the “if/when” statements. If I had a partner I would be happy. If I had more money I’d be happy. When I have more time on my hands I’ll be happy. When I finish this or that I’ll be happy. When I get a new job I’ll be happy. Happiness is NOT something to be achieved. Happiness is a CHOICE. Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is gratitude—the ability to see things for what they are, appreciate what IS (no ego!) and in every moment of your life you have that choice. To choose happiness, choose gratitude. And 2. Happiness is not the purpose of life because that is self centered! That’s EGO! The ego is saying this is my drive, be happy, do whatever it takes to be happy (again, as if it’s something to be achieved). I used to think alcohol made me happy. I used to think attention from men made me happy. Or a fancy, expensive pair of jeans contributed to my happiness. (EGO cares about what brand your jeans are, when you were a child did you care about what you wore? No.) No, those things did not contribute to my happiness. They weren’t real. What’s real? Do you really think you can be happy ALL THE TIME? Or at least this, that happiness will be the ONLY thing you feel? I don’t want to feel happy ALL THE TIME. That’s like being high, there’s a numbness to being happy all the time, where’s the humanness in that? 

When am I happy today? When I am being REAL. When I am truly CONNECTED with others. When I am truly connected to myself! When I am vulnerable and free and courageous enough to speak the truth. My friends poke fun at me because I cry ALL THE TIME. I cry when I’m sad, I cry when I’m happy, I cry when I’m scared, I cry when I’m so freaken excited it just pours out of me. I literally am moved to tears in some way, shape or form every single day. But that’s me! I am an emotional creature, that’s for sure. BUT aren't we all?! We all are! And the universe, God, spirit, whatever you want to call it, energy, the way our HEARTS and brains are made up are to FEEL. FEEL whatever it is you are experiencing that’s REAL. 

So to be free. That means, to be living you truth. To be your authentic self. To be vulnerable. To be honest. To be REAL. And today, I want real. Did you also know it is possible to have BOTH? Happiness AND sadness?  Happiness AND anger? Happiness and exuberance? I mean, why settle for just happy!!?? And it’s a process, for many people who have been severely wounded as children, people who experience trauma or abuse, etc. the unlayering process can be really scary and it takes time. I am still healing! And I get to be honest about that today. And I get to choose to heal, through asking for help, for being honest with the fact that I still have some work to do. Becoming free again, THIS is the process. This is the "desired result!" This is the purpose. I am grateful to live in a world today where there are so many options for healing, so many processes by which we CAN heal should we choose to do so. When we get back to our essence that is how we can further discover our purpose, truly discover what makes us happy and what we are meant to do in our lives. If ego is making the decisions, determining for us where we "should" go to school or what kind of job we "should" have or how much money we "should" make, aren't we just setting ourselves up to be unhappy? If that's not the truth?

I decided to write about this because I’m going through a break up. So painful right? Yup, it is. And I had my breakdown for about 48 hours where I truly experienced the unbearable pain of loss and discomfort, tears and snot dripping down my face and spent the whole weekend at a friend’s balling my eyes out and curled up in her arms on the couch. And then I woke up Monday and decided I was good. I chose to think about other things, chose to “be happy” chose to get excited about all the other wonderful things in my life, chose to look at the situation as a blessing from the universe because he must not be my guy right now. I choose to believe in miracles, to believe that the universe is always looking out for me, so OK if this isn’t going “my way” right now it means it wasn’t meant to be and there’s something better for me coming. So after a few days of this “happiness” all of a sudden I hit this HUGE emotional hangover. Big time, out of nowhere and felt like I couldn’t shake it. And then I realized, I was beating myself up over feeling that way, over STILL feeling sad (as if I wasn’t allowed!) and not telling anyone that I was actually feeling pretty freaken sad, and I was refusing to accept that I was still uncomfortable and still in a little pain. Because of course, I SHOULD be over it. And it was like BOOM. Ok got it. 

Literally within a few minutes of this realization, of the fact that I was trying to DENY what I was really feeling I picked up the phone and called a friend. I said, Hey, I have to tell you something. I’m actually really having a hard time today, can you listen for 5 minutes with where I’m at, and help me re-direct my thinking? And she did. And then I got to have BOTH. Acceptance of my feelings, acceptance of the sadness and still having the joy and excitement of all the good things in my life and the gratitude for the love I shared with this person and the love I have now for myself. I felt better INSTANTLY. I felt FREE.

I mean do you really, every time you ask someone ”How are you?” Do you want to hear “GREAT!” or “FINE” (which of course is when it’s really not fine?) How about the truth? How about “Hey, today I’m actually feeling a little sad about the loss of a significant relationship in my life and I’m also really excited because I’m starting a Women’s Circle in Boston! That's ME!

TELL THE TRUTH. Be free to be who you are and you can have BOTH! And yes, sometimes, maybe even for weeks/months/years at a time you will be happy! Because there is so much to be happy about! So much to be grateful for! But life is also filled with discomfort, and challenges, and SAD situations like the loss of a relationship or death, or disappointment, so FEEL IT. Doesn’t our EGO tell us not to feel because then, oh man, we’d be vulnerable and people might actually have to feel CONNECTED to us and care about us and feel WITH US? 

So often other people’s uncomfortable feelings makes us feel uncomfortable. When someone is sad we IMMEDIATELY want to make them feel better. This is not a bad thing persay, but what if we just started letting each other feel whatever it is we’re feeling? To sit with it. To let it pass. To witness the HUMANNESS of each other. We will never be perfect. We can’t possibly be happy ALL THE TIME. Without fear, discomfort, uncertainty there is no growth. Without pain there is no spiritual progress, no discovery of who we are. It’s the unlayering process. When we unlayer, its painful! And on the other side of that is freedom. Truth. 

So the purpose of life is to be free, and/or seek out all the means in which to be free. Watch how you relate to other people, how do you speak to the ones you care about? Do you tell them how you really feel about them? How special they are to you? How do you greet strangers? Do you focus on how we are all connected? Do you ask about feelings, do you share what you are passionate about, what you care about, when you are most happy? Or do you immediately start talking about where you work or where you went to college, or all the things on the “surface” - the things that keep us separate. 

I want real today. I want happiness and joy and I want the pain because it is in those moments that I really discover who I am. It’s through the insecurities and vulnerability that I allow myself to be seen, to be heard, to share with you my truth, always. Choose freedom today, choose FEELINGS today and be grateful for them, be grateful that you are ALIVE and you CAN feel them because there’s always something on the other side. 

“People say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life. I don't think that's what we're really seeking. I think what we're seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive. That's what it's really about.” – Joseph Campbell