Feel it. All of it.

FEELINGS.

Amazing really, the LENGTHS we go to to avoid them. I'm also remembering just how exhausting it is to pretend to be someone you're not. I've begun to share my story  -- my past debilitating fear of not being enough, the pure avoidance of feelings that led me to turn to alcohol to completely numb out any feeling and never allow me to recognize the beauty and joy of life - total disconnection from self. Today I feel so unbelievably blessed I MUST share my story and experience of how I got to the other side. 3 years later, with exposure to so many tools, so many people, so much personal development, so much WORK, I really needed to share and remind you of a few things.

YOU ARE HUMAN. So therefore, YOU HAVE FEELINGS. and you WILL make mistakes. You WILL experience NEGATIVE AND INSECURE THOUGHTS, you WILL be heartbroken, you WILL experience loss, you WILL be disappointed sometimes. And all the energy that you spend PUSHING these experiences out, denying these feelings, beating yourself up over how you "should" be feeling (IT IS BULLSHIT TO FEEL HAPPY ALL THE TIME. STAY AWAY FROM THOSE PEOPLE) is HARMING you more than you can possibly realize. I KNOW cause I DID it. I was empty, I ached, I was lost.

The SECOND you are unwilling to experience whatever it is you are feeling, you become powerless and OWNED by your emotions. Denying them does not equal control over them, convincing yourself to feel something other than whatever it is you are feeling in that particular MOMENT does not equal control or courage and actually hinders your ability to influence your life and anyone else's. We relate to what's REAL, and what's REAL is whatever it is you ARE. and the true gift is that when you actually ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL it (the disappointment, the sadness, the loss, the grief, the anger) IT DOESN'T LAST VERY LONG. But when you DENY it, when you push it away, it just builds on itself and then will most certainly manifest in one way or another sometime. TRUE FREEDOM is the ability to acknowledge whatever it is you are feeling, own it, WALK THROUGH IT (preferably with others) and then you get to come out on the other side. On the other side is PURE JOY, pure excitement and passion and enthusiasm and energy and LOVE. You get STRONGER than before by walking through it. We worry when you SIT in this, when you sit in the depression or the sadness and transfer to the self-pity side - that's when we worry, but if you are just acknowledging it, feeling it, and walking through it, then we meet you there and walk with you.

I am walking through this RIGHT NOW. It has been barely 2 months since my boyfriend and I broke up. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Some days really freaken SUCK. and I'm sad! and I miss him! and I cry my eyes out! and then the next day, I WAKE UP AND I'M FREE AGAIN! The most miserable days I've had are when I have felt like I SHOULD be over it, or I SHOULD be happy or I SHOULD be feeling anything other than whatever it is I am feeling. That's when I'm the most miserable. So if I'm feeling down, I call my friends and either just talk or go BE with them or I journal and allow myself to feel and then it goes away, and I feel free and I feel taken care of by the spirit of the universe and I can walk forward one step at a time. AND I would MUCH RATHER BE LOVED FOR EXACTLY WHO I AM, than pretending to be someone I'm not. I most certainly want a partner that recognizes his humanness as well as my own. I want (and do) surround myself with people who allow me to be whatever it is I am, and I love them for being whatever it is they are. This is real love. (and eventually the roller coaster will coast in smoothly!)

What feelings are you denying? What feelings are you refusing to experience? What are you walking through? Are you telling anyone about it? I will walk with you! You are not alone.

Second reminder (ok, remindERS): 
YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU DO ENOUGH. YOU HAVE ENOUGH. 

Another big problem of a head full of personal development is the constant drive to DO more, BE more, ACHIEVE more, just run run run run run! This is EXHAUSTING. I just had a week where I tried to DO as much as I could to (of course) avoid what I was feeling (can't believe I'm still SAD!). Thank GOD it barely took a week for me to totally crash and burn and feel totally OUT of control and depleted of energy. I was able to recognize this, be honest about it, ASK FOR HELP and then spend a weekend getting back on track. ie SLEEPING and cleaning my room, and taking some time to just BE and cry and relax. and of course, now today I feel amazing and am wide awake at midnight writing this blog.

You are enough JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. and life is about ENJOYMENT. If you are RUNNING and filling your schedule with stuff, how are you enjoying life? If you achieve your goals/dreams/whatever and then there is NO ONE standing by your side to jump up and down with or no way that you can PAUSE and take it in and recognize that not only did you just achieve your goal, you had help along the way from the universe, what good is that/where is the HUMILITY? OR if once you achieve something you are already running onto the next thing, that's exhausting and really where will you be at the end of your life? I'm a life coach, I know all about goals and I know how important it is to recognize that you can achieve them, you can in fact do ANYTHING you want to --- and I also know that the most joy I have felt is when I am living in my heart, when I am real, when I actually listen to my heart on what it is that I want! I found my purpose  because I found WORK that is in alignment with exactly who I am and my role is to SERVE and assist you in finding that alignment as well. FOR YOU. Not what works for me, not what works for your friends, not what works for Tony Robbins (haha) FOR YOU.

I don't want to be ANYONE except me today and I hope the same for you. It is exhausting to be someone you're not, and why waste one second of energy trying to be SOMEONE ELSE? Because you are enough, you are unique, there is NO ONE exactly like you! You MUST look within your heart to discover what is true for you, what gives your life meaning, what excites you. I am on top of the world when I connect with people, it is truly when I feel most alive. I also feel alive when I'm writing, when I'm doing yoga, when I'm learning... but mostly, what makes my heart sing is when I am coaching, when I am connecting, when I am LOVING and SERVING others. Freedom is enjoying the gifts of my life, expressing gratitude, slowing down and recognizing the power that things are happening EXACTLY as they are supposed to. Being who you are, responding to each moment as it comes, THIS IS ENOUGH. I don't need to make headlines (nor do you) or save the world (that's not the point, save yourself - which in turn will save the world) in order to validate my existence (and neither do you).

So I'll say it again.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
YOU HAVE ENOUGH.
YOU DO ENOUGH.

and you are human. EMBRACE it. Enjoy it.

Are you running? Stop. Look around. Life is happening NOW. You can take steps towards your goals, but make sure you aren't missing the moments, the people, the love.